I Am Not Stupid

I don't usually watch shows that feature the topic on special needs though I do read related articles.

Having worked for more than twenty years in this circle, I am not sure why but I am usually not enticed to watch TV shows on this subject. Unless the projection of the theme is unique, I mostly skip watching such programs.

One evening however, I stayed beyond the introduction of the 1st episode of such a series featuring individuals with special needs. It was a Malaysian local documentary on individuals with additional needs who overcame their challenges - and still working on doing so - to celebrate their abilities and strengths, finding their footholds in the society.

The title of this reality documentary is "Against All Odds". It documents the lives of individuals with Down Syndrome, Autism, Intellectual Disabilites, Physical Disabilities and other challenges together with their families.

That 1st episode of the series that I watched was on Down's Syndrome. 

Parents of children with Down's Syndrome were interviewed to share about their struggles and the emotions they battled right when they had their newborns. How they had to face their children's troubles in their growing and school years, the adolecence period struggles, as well as now in adulthood, finding and holding on to jobs. The individuals with Down's Syndrome themselves also spoke about their challenges and dificulties through these years.

Now the overcoming of adversities was not something that struck me. 

I knew very well these were selected success stories. 

Many others with or without Down's Syndrome, as well as other needs may not have been so fortunate with such supporting and resilient parents and families. In addition there could be other factors that could exacerbate the already-there challenges eg: finances, time, priorities, health conditions etc.

What really struck me was one encounter a mother shared.

This mom shared about how instead of wallowing in self-pity and never-ending tears, her perspective and actions changed, that made a difference in her son's life.

One day the mom received a call from the Head nurse informing her of a routine home-visit that she would be coming for her baby son with Down's Syndrome. However on the actual day of visitation, a team of nurses arrived at her home and they started to inspect the child closely from head to toe. Naturally as a mom, she felt that even though her son has a special need, he should not have been subjected to such a degrading treatment as if he were an animal to be examined. Tears started streaming down her face uncontrollably. 

The Head Nurse noticed this, then pulled her aside and spoke to her (while the other nurses continued their examination). 

While I did not agree with the actions of this team of nurses, what the Head Nurse shared with the mom made sense and sparked the mom's inspiration to work with her child.

It was loosely translated as below:

"Your son has special needs and you have to accept this reality. If you train him to work hard only then he can become smart. Even for a normal child, if he were to be lazy and not learn, he will not be smart. If your son works hard, he too can become a smart child."

The mom, though engulfed in her full range of emotions then, did not fully grasp the meaning but she just followed what the nurse shared with her. She wanted her son to be hardworking, so she had to be hardworking. That's when she realized she needed to be working hard to teach him, and teach him well. Since then, her tears stopped.

This is so true -- corresponding to what we know of Nature vs Nurture.

As we grow older we begin to be aware of the differences amongst ourselves and our peers, colleagues and people we come into contact with. We compare among ourselves: the family backgrounds, socioeconomic statuses, smartness, resources, etc. 

Then we get despondent, and think that we just couldn't be as good as others, in whatever "goodness" we compare with - and that no matter what we try and do, we could not reach same level of "greatness" of those whom we admired, or envied.

But we never realize and fully accept this fact:

We are not born equal, and we never will be.

Each person has his or her own race to run in his or her life.So it we were born into a poor family, and we do nothing but accept that our lifetime is going to be poor, and so we, will be. However if we actively seek to improve ourselves - be it educational, knowledge, employement, etc, we can improve on the status - though very realistically, we may not reach the level of wealth of our peers who are born into ultra-rich families.

But in retrospect, if the peer who was fed the golden spoon does not sustain the wealth and does nothing, he or she may remain status quo or even deteriorate. And we may, if fortune allows and be gotten. surpass that peer! (Who knows?!)

We definitely have heard about those who started with so much already-there kind of resources and eventually become wastrels, having their lives ending up with negative consequences and outcomes.

Yet there are those who grow up in scant and impoverished conditions eventually making their marks to become someone remarkable.

Many of us however, on average -- just stay average. 

But the staying of average does not mean we stay status quo. The average score we define one to be is a comparison benchmark we set and use in society. But if we were to make comparisons of the versions of ourselves as we grow and evolve, we usually see betterment and improved levels in ourselves - that is if we also put in effort to do so in ways no matter how small we could afford (in time, circumstances that is) and, doing so consistently.

For our fellow human beings with special needs. They will not rid themselves of the disability, condition nor exceptionality. This is reality.

They will never become the "Perfectly Normal" human being, a label according to societal's common perception of the human race. But they can rid themselves of the crippling and disabling beliefs that the common society sees of them - if they too, work hard to improve themselves - with the right supports.

I ever read a very empowering and inspirational quote from an individual with Intellectual Disability:

"Don't think that I don't think". 

They may not think in the same way as you and I do - but they still think, on their own terms and interpretations. And their thinking and cognitive abilities can improve and become better according to their potentials. They are not "Stupid" as the typical human race would quickly view and term them so.

The bottom line is: we all have our own race categories to run or walk. 

And the thing is: we have to move. 

No movement. You remain at the starting line. As long as you move, you go some distance. And as we move consistently we get a little better and stronger. Eventually we become better versions of ourselves and the race process may then get a little less uncomfortable. However, our race will not be linear - there will be twists and turns; ups and downs. But that further polishes our skills and experiences.

At the end of the race, we still get ranked. But if we were to look back at the starting point, we see the distance we have covered. Despite having fallen, and overtaken by others, we still emerge as a winner of our own race as we emerge into a newer level of our old selves.

So stop lamenting and start moving, even an inch forward counts. And when we look back on our race, we too can comment that we have become smarter, both in skills and experience.